


What is and what should never be

by mishas_minions



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Angst, Awkward Flirting, Break Up, Cockles, Conventions, Established Relationship, F/M, Fluff, Jealous Jensen, M/M, Photo ops
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-05
Updated: 2016-05-03
Packaged: 2018-05-31 11:49:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 19,177
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6469039
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mishas_minions/pseuds/mishas_minions
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A newly established relationship between Jensen Ackles and Misha Collins goes south when Jensen finds out that his boyfriend supposedly made out with Rob Benedict behind his back at a cocktail party. Overtaken by jealousy, Jensen loses sight of what's really important; trust. Because of one stupid mistake, Jensen may lose the most important man in his life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I would just like to say that in this fic, Jensen and Misha's wives do not exist. I don't feel comfortable writing in this direction with their wives still in the picture. I love Danneel and Vicki very much, don't get me wrong. This is just better off for my story, thanks for understanding :)

Jensen had only been dating Misha for a few months, but he was already happier than he'd been in a very long time. Ever since he first saw Misha, he knew that there was a connection between them. It may have taken several years for them to act on it, but now that they had, everything felt right in the world. The grass was greener, the birds were chirping- Jensen's world was just a little bit brighter.

Misha even made working more enjoyable. Every night after filming they would stay at each other's apartments and stay up late watching movies and cuddling on the couch, talking about their day; whether it be good or bad. On plane rides to conventions Misha would gradually scoot closer and closer, then nudge his head into the crook of the younger man's neck. Sometimes he'd slide his hand up until it was overtop of Jensen's and intertwine their fingers. He'd fall asleep to Jensen rubbing small circles on his palm with his thumb, and when he did, Jensen would rest his own head on top of Misha's and close his eyes. But, the best part was when they actually got to the conventions themselves. It was two or three full days of pure, uninterrupted affection. Saturday nights they'd sneak off into each other's hotel rooms and do what every couple normally would when left alone. Saturday nights were the best of all, Jensen got butterflies in his stomach just thinking about them.

Not many people knew of this relationship- yet. They'd been wanting to bring it up shortly after it had become official, but they were too scared of what others would think. They weren't stupid- they knew the fans had ship wars. Messing with that topic is a dangerous game in the Supernatural family, so it was best to leave it alone for the time being. Either way, Jensen was happy, and that was all that really mattered. At least, right up until Vancon...

Jensen was in a hurry upon arriving to Vancouver late Saturday night. He typically liked getting there in the late afternoon, but his plane had been delayed. It was a dumb move on his part, he'd decided to go to his home in Austin, Texas for a day and then fly back out to Vancouver the next. He had just been so eager to get at least one day of relaxation. It wasn't like he had panels or anything to get to, although there was a cocktail party he kind of was hoping to attend. He'd just missed it by a hair, but Misha was waiting for him anyways. He hadn't seen Misha in a week due to filming purposes, and he was really missing him. All he wanted was to spend a few hours with him before they went to sleep. Plus, Misha was bound to be pretty tipsy from the cocktail party which meant he'd be in a fun, experimental mood.

Once he got into the hotel lobby, Jensen slipped his phone out of his back pocket and sent Misha a quick text.

_Where are you?_

He anxiously drummed his fingers along the black case while waiting for a response.

_Hotel room #247... meet me up here, babe ;)_

A wave of excitement washed over him as he made his way up to the second floor. His mind was racing with thoughts; _what's the first thing Misha will do when he sees me? Did he miss me as much as I missed him?_

He was pulled from his thoughts when he heard hushed voices from the other end of the hall. They were giggling and pointing at their phone. Jensen couldn't help but eavesdrop on the conversation.

"Did you see what Misha did to Rob?" One of the girls asked, covering her mouth with her hand to suppress a chuckle.

Jensen froze in his tracks upon hearing those words. His curiosity was definitely peeked.

"No, what happened?"

"He kissed him!" She squealed, hopping up and down.

Jensen instantly felt a burning sensation in his chest, kind of like heartburn, yet completely different at the same time.

"No way... prove it," the second girl said, crossing her arms and shaking her head in disapproval.

"You don't believe me? There's a video on youtube and everything! Look, I'll show you..."

As if on reflex, Jensen rushed down the hall to where the two girls were standing. He knew perfectly well that this was probably the dumbest thing he could do, but he was just so angry. He always knew that Misha and Rob had a special bond and liked to joke around, but kissing him? He couldn't believe that Misha would do something like this when he knew how strongly he felt about him. There was no way he'd be able to shrug this off and forget about it, he needed to see the video.

"Hi, um, I heard your guys' conversation and was just curious about the video. Do you mind if I see it?"

The two girls were in complete shock. The one who's jaw was hanging open dumbly nodded and pressed play, handing him the phone with a shaky hand. Jensen forced a smile and took it from her, almost immediately scowling at the screen.

After buffering for a moment, the video came to life. It started out with a lot of banter, but eventually turned into Rob throwing himself all  
over Misha, attempting to drag him off the stage.

Jensen hated the way Rob was touching him, especially how Misha was actually letting him. Although, Misha did love to joke around with the male cast members, so this wasn't too out of the ordinary. If they truly were about to "kiss", it was probably going to be fake, like the one Misha did with him at Jib. With that thought in mind, Jensen could already feel himself starting to calm down. But then Misha grabbed ahold of Rob by the back of the neck and spun him around, planting a huge kiss straight onto his lips. The fans went absolutely wild, even more wild than when Misha had kissed him onstage, which only made him angrier. Jensen felt as though a knife had just been hurdled towards him, tearing straight through his chest. He gritted his teeth, the sadness quickly being replaced with pure rage. Did Misha think this was funny? That he could go around kissing whoever the hell he wanted and he wouldn't care? If so, he was dead wrong.

Jensen pressed the phone back into the girls hand, perhaps too forcefully, and muttered, "thanks."

Just as he was about to storm off, his phone began vibrating. He ripped it out of his pocket and squinted at the screen. It was surprisingly really difficult to focus on anything with the anger he felt bubbling up inside of him. Eventually he got his brain to focus on the picture of Misha that was flashing onto his screen. He thought that maybe seeing his face would make him feel better, or at least give him the strength to answer, but he couldn't. It wasn't because he was angry, or even jealous- it was because he was hurt. Not once in his life had he ever felt so betrayed and heartbroken. He'd never felt so strongly about anyone before, and he thought maybe, _just maybe,_ Misha felt the same. He thought what they had was something that could last years, if not forever- but the feeling didn't seem to be mutual.

Blinking back the sting of tears, Jensen powered off his phone, not wanting to see anything else Misha might have to say when he didn't show up to his hotel room that night (if he even cared).

"Excuse me, do you think we could... get a picture with you?" The girl breathed, still in shock.

Jensen forced a watery smile, swallowing the lump in his throat.

"Now's not really a good time, I'm sorry," Jensen apologized, voice barely a whisper.

"Is everything alright?"

He nodded, trying his best to put on a fake smile. "Ya, I'm fine," he glanced down to see lanyards around their necks with convention passes held inside them. "I'll see you guys at the convention tomorrow." They nodded in unison, the biggest grins lighting up their faces. He waved before walked off in the other direction. He could already hear them squealing about what had just happened, but he honestly couldn't care less about pretty much anything at the moment.

The video kept replaying in his head like a broken record. The kiss had looked so passionate, yet a total joke all at once. It was hard to tell, but Misha may have even been covering Rob's mouth. Whatever the circumstance, Jensen was still infuriated and devastated that Misha would even do such a thing in the first place; it wasn't right.

He stormed straight past Misha's room, not even sparing it a glance. The thought of even looking at him right now made his heart ache and his stomach churn. He practically busted through the door to his room, slamming it shut with as much force as possible. The paintings on the wall rattled on their hinges from the hard slam of the wood. He felt as though he needed to scream, or smash something, like the rage he felt needed to be dealt with. Maybe even calling Misha back just to yell at him for doing something so disgusting, but he didn't do any of that. He didn't scream pointless curses towards the sky, didn't throw his belongings across the room like a shot put, didn't even call Misha. Instead, he simply collapsed onto the hotel bed and cried. It all just came out, and he couldn't stop it, no matter how badly he wanted to. He didn't want to let what Misha had done get to him- but it did. It did because he was in love with him. Jensen had never been cheated on before, so he didn't know what to do exactly, but he never would have imagined it to hurt this badly.

He buried his face into the tear stained pillow, letting out a few more racking sobs until he drifted into unconsciousness.


	2. Chapter 2

The pounding on the door to Jensen's hotel room caused him to jerk awake. He woke up in a daze. He was still in the same clothes he'd been wearing the day before and his face felt hot and sweaty because it had been buried into the pillows all night. Even his eyelids were crusted over and sticky from the tears that had been shed. Every part of him felt disgusting, and worst of all, the devastation he'd felt the night before was still lingering.

The pounding on the door only got louder the longer he laid there, so he reluctantly pulled himself out of bed and trudged over to the door. Standing out in the hallway was a panicked Jared.

"Jensen, what the hell are you doing?!"

"Sleeping, what the hell are you doing?" He mimicked, rolling his eyes and stepping to the side so the taller man could enter the room.

"Oh, nothing, just looking for the guy who's supposed to be onstage with me in ten minutes!" Jared replied with mock excitement. Jensen's eyes widened in realization. "You were supposed to meet me in the green room almost an hour ago, everyone's been looking for you! You didn't even answer my texts!"

Jensen scrubbed a hand across his face, stopping to pinch the bridge of his nose. "I set an alarm for this morning, but I had to power off my phone last night, that's why I didn't get your texts either... sorry."

"Don't say sorry to me, say sorry to the thousand fans that are waiting for you downstairs right now." He could see that Jared was becoming impatient. Jared didn't get mad often, but when he did, it wasn't pretty.

"I know, I know. Can you just... stall them for ten minutes? I'll be down as quick as I can," Jensen asked, giving his friend his best puppy dog eyes.

Jared sighed and folded his arms across his chest. "Fine, ten minutes and ten minutes only. You owe me," Jared grumbled, turning for the door.

"Thanks, brother, you're the best."

Jared let out a small puff of air before replying, "ya, whatever."

He waited until Jared had disappeared down the hall before closing the door. He took the moment of solitude to tug his phone out of his front pocket. He moaned with the contact of his hand on his leg, it was sore from laying on it all night.

Part of him didn't want to read what Misha may have texted him throughout the night, but the other part of him really did.

It took a minute for the phone to power back up, but as soon as it turned on, several notifications darted down the screen. Most were from Misha and a few from Jared.

 **11:47pm from Misha:** Hey, just tried calling you... are you still coming to my room? What's going on? Call me.

 **11:59pm from Misha:** Is everything alright? It shouldn't be taking you this long... please call me, Jen.

**12:00am missed call from Misha**

**12:35am from Misha:** Okay, I'm starting to get worried. Talk to me, Jen. You're scaring me.

**12:37am 4 missed calls from Misha**

**1:14am from Misha:** Call me first thing tomorrow morning, I need to know you're okay... please.

Jensen's chin quivered, seeing Misha so genuinely worried about him struck him in the heart. He didn't want to feel a swell of emotion and guilt, yet he couldn't help it. He definitely wasn't going to respond, but at least he knew that Misha still cared, at least a little.

Now the texts from Jared were something he wasn't at all in the mood to read, so he shut off his phone and tucked it away into his pocket. He could deal with that later, but for the time being, he had a panel to attend.

***

Jensen had been oddly quiet throughout the entirety of the panel. He knew the fans must have been making theories as to why once it was over. Going into it he knew it would be a bad idea, that he was far too out of character to be onstage, but he also hadn't wanted to disappoint anyone. Safe to say, he was more than relieved when it was over. The worst part was still yet to come, though. The Jensen/Misha photo ops. He still had the J2M ops as well, but at least Jared would be there to tame the awkwardness.

The boys waved goodbye to the crowd and they cheered as they vanished behind the black curtain. Jensen thought that he'd at least have a few minutes to think about what he'd say when he saw Misha for the first time since the incident, but as soon as he and Jared exited backstage and entered the hallway, Misha was standing there, waiting for them. A wave of relief washed over the older man's face upon seeing Jensen. His heart sank into his stomach as Misha ran towards him.

"Jensen, oh my god, I was worried sick about you. Where were you last night, I thought you were coming over!" He went to pull the younger man in for a hug, but Jensen pressed a hand to his chest to halt him before he could. Misha froze, narrowing his eyes in confusion.

Jensen thickly swallowed, struggling to hold back the surge of emotions that were hitting him. He raised a finger in front of Misha's blue eyes, slowly shaking his head.

"Don't," he breathed, a swell of emotion thickening his voice.

Jared watched them, bewildered by the situation.

Misha took a step back, his happy expression softening into sadness.

"Jen, what's going on?" He could hear the hurt lacing Misha's voice, but he suppressed any ounce of guilt that threatened to rise.

He locked gazes with him and held it for a few beats. Misha tried reading his eyes, hoping to find some clarity in the situation. Before Misha could say anything else, Jensen shoved past him, storming off in the opposite direction.

Misha turned towards Jared, practically speechless. "Was it something I said?"

Jared shrugged, "I have no idea, man. Try talking to him later, I'm sure he'll get over whatever it is soon."

Misha nodded, taking it into consideration, "okay, ya... I'll do that. Thanks, Jar."

He smiled and clapped him on the shoulder, then rushed after Jensen who had long since disappeared down the hall, leaving Misha alone with his thoughts.

**

The fans eagerly lined up for their J2M ops. The three boys stood in front of the blue background, readying themselves to greet them. Jensen was hoping that the fans wouldn't ask for him and Misha to hug off to the side like they tended to do now and then.

The first few fans kept the photos short and sweet, simply asking for group hugs. Typically Jensen would stand in the middle, but this time around he decided that he wanted to stand farthest from Misha. No one seemed to notice at first, but Misha was quickly picking up on this behaviour. As they went on, the closer Misha got. Jensen was getting noticeably irritated by this. He would shoot a quick glare in his direction each time he did it, but he didn't seem to care. If anything, it only seemed to light a fire beneath Misha, as if it were a game he desperately wanted win. He kept touching him in worse and worse places, hoping to get some type of reaction out of him. Jensen tried his best not to let it get to him.

All was going fairly well (asides from the occasional inappropriate touching from Misha) until one fan asked if she could hug Jared and he and Misha could stand to the side, of course hugging one another. Misha smirked at him, happily agreeing. They stepped to the side and Misha wrapped his arms around him, nuzzling his head into the crook of his neck. The way Misha was cuddled into him reminded him all too well of their plane rides together. Snuggling into Misha, tracing lines on the palm of his hand, whispering sweet nothings into the shell of his ear. His heart was shattering just thinking about it. He tried his best to pull off the best grumpy face he could manage. This pose was almost like torture. The second the camera flash went off, Jensen shoved Misha off of him. The line of fans exchanged confused looks towards one another. He realized that it must have looked bad, but he just couldn't take it anymore. And it didn't help that Misha looked visibly hurt by the action. Jared nudged Jensen in the side, secretly scowling at him and mouthing the words, "cut it out."

Jensen tried his best to contain his clear discontent with the whole situation. There were more poses that involved himself and Misha to get close, but as an actor, he knew exactly how to conceal his feelings and act like he was having a good time. The cockles ops were even worse. The poses were so intimate. All it managed to do was bring Jensen's mood down even more. Being so close to Misha, touching him in the ways that he was- it was too much. The only thing he could think of when they touched was the way he'd been touching Rob. He couldn't stop thinking about it, it was eating him alive.

When he got to the last person in line, he was more than relieved. He just hoped it wasn't something to extravagant, as they usually saved those for last.

The girl handed Misha a ring and asked if he could propose to Jensen. Misha gladly took it and bent down on one knee while the girl pretended to look surprised. Misha looked up into his eyes and held the ring for him to see. Jensen's stomach flipped at the sight.

Jensen couldn't even bring himself to force a smile. All he could see was the man he loved (or thought he did) proposing to him. That was how it could have been in the future. The thought was just too much for him to take, it made him feel genuinely sick.

The flash went off and Jensen bolted out of the room. He hadn't bothered saying anything to the fan or to Misha. He needed to get out of there- needed to be away from Misha. That's how he dealt with things. When times got hard, he ran. He lost many people that way, but he never knew what else to do. So, he simply ran... ran until his problems stopped chasing him.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm aware the build up is slightly slow, but the next chapter is when things start picking up. I promise, a huge twist is coming your way ;)

The day had dragged on. Minutes felt like hours, hours felt like days. Jensen hadn't seen Misha since the incident in the photo op room. Misha hadn't tried to find him, and he certainly wasn't going to go looking for him, so they kept their distance. Even though Jensen was angry with him, he couldn't help but miss him. What they had was so special, they hardly ever fought, genuinely enjoyed each other's company, and couldn't get enough of each other. The fact that it was pretty much over was a tough pill to swallow. It definitely took a large toll on his day. Typically, Jensen was very talkative and fun with the fans, but he just couldn't do it. He stayed quiet throughout autographs, giving small nods and extremely forced smiles that were see through.

By the time the convention had come to an end, Jensen was absolutely exhausted, both mentally and physically. He practically dragged himself back to his room and carelessly tossed his belongings into his suitcase. He met Jared out back by the car that would be driving them to the airport. They had to film on location the following morning and it was a few hours away if you drove. The producers and directors had found it easier to quickly fly them down there so they could have time to rest after a hectic con weekend.

Jared waved at him as he walked over, "how'd your day go?"

Jensen could easily tell the truth and admit that it went terrible, but he wasn't in the mood for Jared to pry. This was something he needed to keep to himself.

"Fine, just tired," he muttered, tossing his bag into the trunk.

He sunk down into the back seat, laying his head back and closing his eyes. Jared sat down in the spot beside him and did the same. He cracked one eye open and cleared his throat. 

"Hey, do you mind scooting in the middle so Misha can get in when he gets here, he's running late."

Jensen's head shot up and he turned to look at Jared, "Misha's coming with us? Why can't he get his own damn car!"

"Because I'm not an asshole! He can ride with us if he wants too!"

As if on cue Misha came rushing out of the hotel with bags in hand, an apologetic look on his face. He quickly put his things in the trunk and slammed it shut. 

"Sorry about that guys, some fans wanted pictures, I didn't want to be rude," Misha said, opening the car door. Jensen huffed. Of course Misha was late because he was doing something selfless. Why did he have to be so fucking perfect?

After a moment of silence, Jared exchanged glances between the empty seat beside him and Jensen, motioning for him to move over. Jensen glared at Jared for a second before unbuckling his seat belt and shuffling over. Misha smiled and climbed in, crossing his left leg over his right and making himself comfy.

The ride to the airport was half an long, and Jensen had a feeling he was going to hate every minute of it.

**

About ten minutes into the ride, Jared had passed out. He'd pulled his beanie over his eyes and leaned against the window and within minutes he was snoring.

Jensen on the other hand, couldn't shut his brain off for the life of him. He'd been laying there with his eyes closed just as long as Jared, yet sleeping felt impossible. The fact that he could feel Misha's hand lingering inches from his own was unnerving. Having him right beside him caused thoughts to run through his head at an unimaginable speed. 

"Jensen," Misha whispered, poking at his forearm. 

He squeezed his eyes shut tighter, not wanting to speak to him in the slightest. 

"Come on, I know you're awake."

"What makes you so sure," he replied, keeping his voice as low as he could manage.

Misha softly smiled, "because, when you're asleep you snore and drool everywhere, it's disgusting." 

Jensen had to use all of his strength to fight back a grin. He kept his eyes closed, because it was easier to stay mad when he wasn't looking into those blue eyes that made his heart melt. His attempts obviously weren't a success, because Misha let out a small laugh.

"You can't stay mad at me, no matter how much you want too."

Jensen took a deep breath, telling himself over and over again that he couldn't fall for Misha. He couldn't let Misha pull him back in so easily. For once in his life, he wanted to stay mad at him and not let him get his own way. 

"Look at me, Jensen," he breathed, cupping his cheek and turning his head towards him. 

Jensen shook his head, refusing to open his eyes. "I-I can't, Mish... not after what you—" he cleared his throat when his voice cracked, desperate to hide any emotion peeking through.

"Did what?"

"You know what you did, don't pretend like you don't." 

Misha's fingertips trailed towards his lips, gently tracing their outline. Jensen shivered, goosebumps breaking out across his arms. Suddenly, all he could feel was Misha's breath against his skin. It smelt of fresh mint from the gum he'd been chewing, which quickly became the only thing he wanted to taste. 

Fuck, what was he doing? He couldn't succumb to whatever Misha was trying to do- but he couldn't help himself either.

Jensen opened his eyes, just a crack, to see Misha's hand sliding overtop of his own. His body stiffened and he jumped back. 

"Jensen, look at me." His eyes flickered up to meet Misha's blue ones, and he could feel himself going limp. "Tell me what's going on, I don't wanna lose you." 

Jensen quickly looked over his shoulder to insure that Jared was still asleep before responding.

"I love you, Misha... I just can't trust you anymore. Mainly because you won't even come out and admit to what you did. You've just been trying to hide it from me, as if I'd never find out." He gently removed Misha's hand from his face and placed it back onto his lap.

The shimmer of hope in Misha's eyes faded and was quickly replaced with distress. 

"I don't understand," he breathed. "I didn't do anything!" His voice began to rise as he lost his temper.

"Mish—"

"Why won't you just fucking tell me?! You're so god damn selfish, Jensen. Here I am trying to make up with you and you're being a dick! Just tell me what the fuck I did!"

Jared stirred, but didn't wake (thank god).

"We'll talk about this later, okay?" 

"No, we'll talk now! I don't give a shit if Jared hears us, fuck, I don't care if China hears us! I'm sick and tired of you thinking you can just run away from everything!" 

Jensen wished he could just disappear. This is exactly what he was trying to avoid. Now Jared was going to hear and fuss about it. There had to be some way he could get out of this.

"Misha, Misha, Misha," he stammered, continuing to keep his voice hushed. He clasped his hands around the older man's wrists, keeping him still. "I'm a dick, I get it. Just please, save this for somewhere more private. I promise, I'll talk to you, no more running."

"Promise?" He asked, softening his voice.

"Promise."

Misha nodded and Jensen reluctantly released him from his grasp. Surprisingly, their bickering hadn't woken Jared. Jensen sighed in relief, laying his head back down and closing his eyes once again.

They spent the remainder of the ride sitting in silence. 

The plane ride wasn't any better. Misha had the window seat, Jensen was sat in the middle, and Jared at the aisle seat. He had been hoping for Jared to be in the middle, but honestly, he'd already done everything he'd dreaded that day, so this wouldn't be any worse than the other things he'd been forced to do. 

The plane took off, and everything felt normal- as it should be. But that only lasted a short amount of time. Midway through the flight, Jensen was hit with uneasiness. Something wasn't right. It felt as though something was missing, kind of like when you skip a step in your daily routine and were left feeling off.

He looked over at Jared, asleep. He looked over at Misha, asleep. He fumbled around in his pockets; everything was there. What was missing?

He shifted uncomfortably in his seat. Sleeping on planes had never been difficult for him, yet this time it was. He just couldn't find the right spot for his head. 

After pondering on it for far too long, the realization hit him.

Misha never laid his head on his shoulder. That was the first time since they'd started dating that Misha hadn't done it. 

Jensen didn't get much sleep that night.


	4. Chapter 4

Jensen anxiously paced through his apartment, stopping to check his phone every couple of seconds. After they landed last night, Misha said he'd text him when he was about to come over. He'd been dreading seeing Misha all day. He hated confrontation almost as much as he hated glitter. In fact, his hatred for glitter kind of reflected the situation. You see, Jensen Ackles had a fear of getting too attached. One minute, you could feel like you've found the perfect person for you, then the next, they leave. People are like glitter, you get too close and it attaches itself to you. At first it's hard to shake off, but it eventually fades away until it's completely gone. But parts of it will forever linger on you; maybe one day you catch a glimpse of a spec of it under your eye while passing by a mirror. Kind of like when you see something that reminds you of someone you used to know. It's a weird, but accurate analogy.

Jensen had gotten so lost in thought that he almost didn't acknowledge his phone vibrating. He unlocked it with a shaky hand to see a text from Misha.

 **8:12pm from Misha:** Coming over, be there in 15 mins.

Jensen's throat tightened as he typed out a quick reply.

 **8:12pm from Jensen:** K, see you soon.

He tossed his phone onto his bed, combing his hands through his sweaty hair.

He couldn't imagine how this would go down. Would he have to flat out say, "I know you cheated on me"? Maybe it would be easier if Misha had truly cheated. It wasn't technically cheating, because it was obviously meant to be a joke, but he hadn't appreciated it one bit. Maybe he'd simply say, "if you don't want to lose me, you can't be making out with other men." He knew Misha was into polyamory, but he never discussed it with him beforehand, which is what really stung.

Jensen heard a knock on his door and he went to go answer. It couldn't have been 15 minutes already?

He opened it up to see Misha standing on the other side wearing a warm smile that sent butterflies to flutter about in the pit of his stomach.

"Hey, Jen." Even though Misha tried to look happy, he sounded drained. He hoped he didn't have something to do with it.

"Hi," he replied, letting him in.

They walked over to the couch and took a seat on opposite ends. At first there was an awkward silence, neither one of them knowing where to start. Eventually, Jensen decided to speak up.

"Look, I'm sorry for the way I acted this weekend. It was childish, I shouldn't have been doing what I was, especially not in front of the fans." He ducked his head, hoping to hide his embarrassment.

"It's okay, Jen. You were upset by... something," he paused for a few beats before continuing, "I'm not gonna be much help until I know exactly what's been bothering you, though. Was it something I did?" Misha's blue eyes flickered up to meet his.

"Ya, it was um... something you did at the cocktail party." Jensen kept his voice low, almost too scared to speak with confidence.

"The cocktail party? I just went around talking to fans the whole time."

Jensen turned to face him with a look of disappointment. He was really hoping that Misha would just come out and tell him about what had happened. He had no idea why he was still acting innocent, perhaps because he wanted Jensen to bring it up so he wouldn't have to admit to it. Then again, who actually wants to admit they cheated?

"No, you did more than that, Mish."

Misha hunched over, cupping his face in his hands. He thought back on everything that happened that night, but was unable to recall anything that may have upset Jensen. Although, his memory was slightly fuzzy from the alcohol.

He shrugged, "I don't know, I don't feel like I did anything that could have made you mad."

Suddenly, Jensen couldn't take it anymore. He was tired of the lies, tired of carrying the weight of what that video had done to him. He couldn't live with it anymore.

"I saw the damn video, Misha!" He snapped, shooting to his feet.

Misha's brows furrowed in confusion and he narrowed his eyes.

"Jensen, I don't know what you're talking about—"

"Just stop playing dumb! I can't take it anymore, you know what you did so just come out and say it!"

"I don't! Jensen, I have no fucking idea what I supposedly did, so please enlighten me!"

Jensen took in such a large breath that his chest began to burn, then let it out slowly.

"I know you kissed Rob." He almost had to force the words out, and when they did manage to escape his lips, they came out breathless and blurted. Saying it out loud only made it all the more real.

The expression on Misha's face altered between confusion, hurt, anger, and eventually fell to something Jensen couldn't read. It was a look he'd never seen before and he couldn't tell what it meant. The tension became so thick, you could cut it with a knife. Misha wouldn't speak, nor look at him. His gaze drifted to the floor, his body unmoving.

"Where did you see that video," he asked, voice barely a whisper.

"Youtube."

"I don't know why this upsets you, it happened so long ago. We used to kind of have a thing, which I didn't feel I needed to discuss with you, but if it really bothers you..." Misha trailed off until his sentences were barely audible.

"Wait, what do you mean, 'happened so long ago'?"

Misha slowly brought his gaze back up, meeting his eyes.

"Ya, it was during the Vancon cocktail party of 2013," his voice cut off when realization hit him. "Don't tell me you thought that this was from this weekend."

Jensen's ears burned as the embarrassment settled in. That was not the response he'd been expecting, and god did he wish he could say no.

"Misha... I had no idea, I thought that—"

Misha raised a hand, signalling for Jensen to stop talking. Jensen froze, almost scared to see what Misha would say next. He'd really fucked up.

The older man turned his head away, shaking it as he scrubbed a hand across it.

"This whole time, you've been mad at me for something that happened three years ago."

Jensen honestly wanted to throw himself out of the nearest window. He'd never felt like such a fucked up asshole in his entire life. He put Misha through hell, all because he was too pissed off to check the damn date of that video. He saw the word, "Vancon" and that was enough proof for him, because obviously everybody was out to get him. He could never accept that someone truly cared about him. He just had to go and push them away over his paranoia. Once again, he managed to ruin the one good thing in his life.

He was scared to speak, but he knew that if he didn't, he may lose Misha forever, so he forced his vocal chords to work.

"Mish... I didn't know, I'm sorry."

"The fact that you actually thought I'd do that to you," he stood from the couch, closing some of the face between them, "I'd _never_ hurt you like that, _ever._ Let alone not even having the decency to tell you afterwards!"

Jensen could see tears welling in the corners of Misha's blue eyes, and his stomach flipped.

"And you know what hurts the most?" He didn't even give Jensen a single second to answer before continuing, "That you'd rather run away from everything we've built together than just talk to me. You were willing to throw it all away over something so stupid, but at least I know how you feel now." A single tear cut down Misha's cheek and he quickly swiped it away. "You don't love me- you never have."

Jensen shook his head, voice cracking as he muttered, "that's not true, and you know it."

"You wouldn't have acted the way you did if it wasn't."

Jensen's entire world came crashing down as Misha turned for the door, not even sparing him a second glance. He chased after him, desperate for this to not be over. It couldn't be the end of them over one stupid mistake he made over jealousy. If anything, that should have proved how madly in love he was with the man.

"Misha, please, don't go," he pleaded, clutching the sleeve of his jacket. Those few beats of silence were the worst Jensen had ever sat through. He had no idea what Misha would say or do, but he was praying that he'd say they weren't over, that he'd accept his apology and stay. He couldn't bare to see Misha walk out that door. He was the only person Jensen had ever felt this strongly about, and he was about to walk out on him.

Misha glanced over his shoulder at him, eyes red with tears. Jensen thickly swallowed, forcing out a helpless, "please."

"I'm sorry, Jen."

Watching Misha walk out the door was surreal. It felt like a nightmare that he was dying to wake from. He stood there, waiting for himself to jerk awake, drenched in sweat, hopefully finding Misha beside him. Then he'd sink back down into the mattress, wrap his arms around him and realize that he was the luckiest man on earth, never taking another moment for granted.

But he didn't wake up, because it was real. The love of his life had just left him, and he wasn't coming back. And Jensen didn't blame him, not one bit.

He made his way back into his bedroom, walking as if he were a zombie. He still hadn't fully processed what had just happened, but he did know that he couldn't handle what he was feeling alone. If he did, he feared for what would happen next.

He picked up is phone, staring down at the numbers with vision blurred by tears. He was hardly able to punch in the number he wanted, but he eventually got it and pressed call, pulling the phone up to his ear. After the third ring, Jared picked up.

"Jensen? What's going on?"

"Can you come over," he croaked, voice brittle.

"It's pretty late... is everything okay?"

A small whimper escaped the back of his throat. He coughed, trying to cover it up.

"Please, just... I need you."

There was a silence on the other end, but it didn't last long. At least in comparison to the one Misha gave him before leaving.

"Ya, I'll be there in a few minutes. Hang on, okay?"

Jensen nodded, even though he knew Jared couldn't see him. He didn't have the strength to speak, in fear he'd break down. Jared knew him better than anyone, so he took the hint. He hung up, letting the phone fall onto the mattress beside him. His breathing became shallow as his mind raced with thoughts. The conversation he had with Misha kept replaying in his head.

He sat there for what must have been ten minutes, because by the time he came to, Jared was knocking on his door. He hardly had the strength to stand. It took him a while to get himself to the door, and when he opened it, Jared was standing on the other side. Just seeing his best friend brought his mood up, only if slightly.

Jared's eyes scanned him briefly, and they softened with sadness upon seeing how bad he looked. Before he could say anything, Jensen spoke, voice soft and fragile.

"I did something stupid, Jared. I did something real fuckin' stupid."

The wall of tears he'd desperately been trying to hold back broke apart, spilling down his cheeks. Jared threw his arms around him, pulling him into a tight hug. Jensen buried his face into his shoulder, chest heaving as he sobbed into the fabric of his plaid shirt.

"It's okay, Jensen," he whispered, rubbing small circles into his back. "You're gonna be okay."

He squeezed his eyes shut against the stinging tears, just wishing the world would go away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope no one was expecting that plot twist! ;)


	5. Chapter 5

Jensen woke that morning feeling worse than he had in years. Physically, and emotionally. The feeling in the pit of his stomach was result of the regret and guilt. The throbbing in his head was most likely due to the massive water loss from crying into his best friend's arms all night. He had no idea when he passed out, or when Jared left for that matter, but it was definitely later than 4:00am

He remembered clinging onto Jared as if his life depended on it, blubbering into his shoulder all while trying to explain to him what had happened. Just thinking about that made him want to retch, so he pushed the thoughts aside.

Jared eventually calmed him down enough to get him to his room. He remembered sitting on the bed with Jared, spilling every little detail of the incident from the start of his relationship with Misha, to what had happened just before he came over. He'd dreaded revealing his and Misha's relationship to anyone, especially Jared, in fear of judgment, but he'd been so supportive. He hadn't known why he thought any differently in the first place. Of course Jared didn't care who he loved, female or male, because as a good friend once put it; love is love.

Jared had sat with him for hours on end, letting him spill all of his bottled up emotions. He didn't even say much, just listened, and that's all he really needed; someone who cared.

After Jensen said everything that needed to be said, Jared looked him in the eyes and gave one piece of advice that would be remembered forever.

"Jensen, I know it sucks and you're hurting, but you can't keep dragging yourself down over this. You have to stop thinking about what happened and more on what you can do to fix it, because in the end, that's what really matters." When Jensen didn't speak, Jared clapped a hand onto his shoulder. "You love him, don't you?"

Jensen didn't even have to think about his answer, because he knew.

"Ya... I do love him, Jar."

"And he loves you."

"He used too..."

Jared gave him a little shake, as if telling him to stop talking.

"Jensen, I see the way he looks at you... it's exactly the same way Gen looks at me. Misha loves you so, so much. He always will. You can't let something stupid like this ruin something so beautiful, so go out there with your head held high and win that man back."

No matter how motivational his time with Jared had been, he still felt the sadness lingering. It was one thing to be told that Misha loved him, but actually hearing the words from the man himself was totally different.

It was hard to get out of bed and go to set that day, because he knew Misha would be there, and he just wasn't ready to face him.

Before heading out, he brewed himself a pot of coffee, black. He then headed off to set, rehearsing the lines he had forgotten to rehearse the night before. He knew he would be having a crappy day, considering he was upset, his lines weren't memorized, and he only got a few hours of sleep. He was practically falling asleep behind the wheel. Add almost crashing to the list of why his day sucked.

The makeup artist had to spend extra time concealing his bags and dark circles that day. When she was finally satisfied with her work, he was sent off to watch Misha's scene. Of fucking course. They wanted him to stick around because his scene was in less than twenty minutes.

He sat down in his customized chair and watched as Misha walked on set. Immediately, he avoided eye contact, looking every spot imaginable other than where he was. Misha walked right past him, not even tilting his head in his general direction, as if he were completely invisible. It stung a little, but Jensen chose to ignore it. Misha never stayed mad for long, so hopefully he'd get a chance to smooth things over later.

After a few takes as Cas, Misha was allowed to do whatever he wanted while Jensen shot his scenes. He sauntered over and took a seat in his own customized chair which was obviously placed right beside Jensen's. He went to say something, but Misha pulled out his phone, carelessly scrolling through his twitter feed. He snapped his mouth shut. Misha was making it blatantly clear that he wanted nothing to do with him. He let out a barely audible sigh and walked over to where his scene would be shot. It took him more takes than usual. He couldn't stop thinking about what had happened between himself and Misha. It was really messing up his acting.

The day went by slower than ever. When he wasn't shooting scenes, he was sitting on that stupid chair watching Misha. Usually he'd have Jared to talk to, but he wouldn't be getting there until later in the afternoon, so he was left with his thoughts for the majority of the day.

When Jared finally got there, he'd brought Genevieve with him. They walked in holding hands, and Jensen was ashamed to say it struck a bit of envy. Jared and Gen had been happily married for six years and their love for one another never lessened. Their relationship was something everyone wanted in life, especially him. The worst part was, he almost had it, and he blew it.

"Hi, Jensen!" Gen beamed, opening her arms for a hug. Jensen took the invitation, wrapping his arms around her.

"How are you?" He asked, pulling back enough to look at her face.

"I'm good, how are you? Are you feeling any better? Jared mentioned you were really upset last night."

Jensen glared at Jared over her shoulder and the taller man raised his hands in defence. He should have known he'd tell Gen about it, he tells her everything.

"Oh, ya... I'm fine! It was nothing, I just didn't get enough sleep that night, that's all."

The look Jared was giving him was suggesting otherwise. He knew Jensen was bluffing, but he didn't need to reveal his feelings to Gen if he didn't want too. It wasn't his place to decide what Jensen revealed to who.

Gen released from their hug when she saw Misha walk up behind Jensen. Her face lit up like a christmas tree. Gen loved Misha, as did most people. He was genuinely fun to be around.

"Misha! Long time no see!" Gen exclaimed, stepped around Jensen to give him a warm hug.

Jensen watched as they interacted. He couldn't help but wish he were Gen, seeing the way Misha was acting around her. He'd be lucky to get a hi from him at that point.

A wave of courage washed over him, and he did something he probably shouldn't have.

"Good morning, Misha," he muttered. For a second he thought Misha hadn't heard him, but he slowly turned his attention towards him. He couldn't read Misha's expression, but it wasn't a happy one, but it wasn't mad either. He seemed just as upset as he was by the situation.

"Morning, Jensen."

Jensen had to strain himself to keep the surprise he felt from revealing itself on his face. Misha actually spoke to him, this had to be a good sign.

He went to give him a friendly hug, because friends hug... right?

When Jensen took a step forward, Misha took a step back. Jensen mentally slapped himself, of course Misha wouldn't be ready for that yet. They just broke up the night before, why would Misha want to hug him after what he did? Another stupid move by yours truly. He was just so used to touching Misha. He'd been doing it for years, even when they weren't dating. They loved touching one another. It was a force of habit.

As if reading his mind, Misha slowly held out a hand, hovering it a few inches away from Jensen's. He looked at it in confusion for a moment before realizing what he was doing. Jensen reached out in front of him and clasped hands with Misha, giving it a few shakes.

Jensen would be lying he said he didn't want more, but at least Misha was being nice enough to even give him that much when he deserved nothing at all.

Jared cringed at the awkward exchange, taking the opportunity to grab Gen back.

"She's gotta get going, I'm gonna walk her out. I'll see you guys later."

Jensen pulled his hand back so he could wave as they walked off.

"I should actually get going too, they probably need me," Misha said, rubbing the back of his neck.

The urge to grab Misha by the tie and yank him in for a hot, wet kiss was almost unbearable. He didn't want him to go. He wanted to sit and talk about their day, he was going through withdrawal since they hadn't done that in quite a while. Instead, he managed to force out a reply, his gravelly voice deeper than usual.

"I'll talk to you later?" He wasn't sure if he intended that to be a question or a statement, but Misha didn't reply. He gave a half nod and walked off in the other direction.

Jensen had never wanted to go back in time and fix something more in his entire life. Why did he have to eavesdrop on that conversation? Why did he have to get so insanely jealous? _Why did he have to be such a dick to Misha?_

He wanted him back, more than anything, but Misha was done with him. There didn't seem to be anything left to do except accepting the consequences of what he'd done.


	6. Chapter 6

Misha hadn't spoken to Jensen all week (not counting the occasional hellos and good mornings just to remain professional). At first it had been a fairly easy task, because Misha had been so angry with him he felt no need to be around him, but by the end of the week, he really started missing him. He knew that Jensen deserved it for what he'd done, but it was hard. He'd spent practically every day with him, not once getting sick of his company. He missed their late night talks, the taste of his lips, the cuddles- _everything._ He wanted Jensen back, but he was not going to be crawling back to him, that's for damn sure. If they were to get back together, it would be by Jensen's doing. He deserved at least that much.

Misha couldn't sleep that night. He'd been tossing and turning for hours. Eventually he decided to pull out his phone to pass the time. That's when he noticed the text message from Jensen.

 **12:59am from Jensen:** I miss you

Misha's heart swelled after reading those three words. He was tempted to reply with, "I miss you, too" but decided against it. No matter how badly he wanted Jensen back, this wasn't the way he wanted it to happen. Jensen couldn't get his way that easily, he didn't deserve it. So, he made his response more casual.

 **1:21am from Misha:** Can't sleep?

Jensen's reply came quicker than expected, as if he'd been waiting.

 **1:21am from Jensen:** Nope, and my guess is, neither can you.

Misha's lips curved into a smile at that.

 **1:22am from Misha:** Nope...

Almost immediately after hitting send, Lipgloss blasted from his phone speakers. He almost dropped it straight onto his face by how badly it startled him.

He groaned, reminding himself he really needed to have that song changed. Jensen had picked it for him as a joke, but all it had gotten him is strange looks. He didn't blame them, though. When a grown man's phone starts blaring a song about lipstick and how it's 'poppin', it isn't exactly a normal occurrence. Jensen would purposely call him sometimes when they were in public just to get a rise out of him and see the blush creep up his neck.

He slid his thumb across the bottom of the screen and held it up to his ear.

"It's late, Jensen. You should be sleeping, not calling me right now."

"I can't sleep, I miss you too much, Misha."

Hearing Jensen's voice instantly put him at ease. It sounded deeper and slightly robotic from the phone's speakers, but it was still him, and that's all that mattered. He didn't want to hang up, really. But he didn't want to admit to that either.

"Texting me isn't enough?" He asked, combing a hand through his dark hair.

"Not even close," Jensen admitted, sighing.

"Hm, lucky for you I'm not tired or I'd be even more pissed off at you."

Jensen barked a laugh, followed by a rustling sound. He was most likely rolling over.

"Are you going to be... not pissed anytime soon?"

"That depends on what you do for me," Misha replied in a suggestive tone, waggling an eyebrow.

He wanted to punch himself in the shoulder and mentally scold himself for playing along with this flirtatious game. He was supposed to be staying away from Jensen. It was hard not to flirt back when that's how you'd normally react to a situation like this. It was like training a cat to pee in the backyard rather than in a litter box.

Maybe the silence clued Jensen into what he was thinking, because when he finally spoke, his voice was soft and understanding.

"I wish I was there with you right now, Mish."

He couldn't hold it back anymore. He missed Jensen, and he needed him to know. The fact he thought he may dislike him was too much to bare.

"I know, I wish you were here too... I just..."

"You just what?"

Misha took a sharp intake of breath, closing his eyes.

"I just don't think I'm ready to get back together with you... there's no telling what's gonna happen. You could easily run away again when it all gets to be too much, and I can't live like that. I can't constantly worry that you're gonna take off on me over small mistakes that could easily be talked out. You've proved that you can't handle bumps in the road, and that's what relationships are."

"Misha, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I freaked out, I'm sorry I tried to run, I'm sorry that I—" his voice cracked and he cleared his throat, "I'm sorry that I was a jealous asshole. You didn't deserve what I put on you. Fuck, I don't even deserve your forgiveness... but I'm asking. I'm asking, because I love you. I need you in my life. I miss you."

Misha buried his face into his hand, sighing into his palm. Every part of him was screaming at himself to tell Jensen that he forgave him and that he loved him, but he couldn't do it. Something was holding him back, and he hated himself for it.

He must have been laying there for a while, because eventually Jensen spoke up.

"Mish... are you still there?"

He thickly swallowed, massaging his temple with his index finger. "Ya... I'm here."

"Good," there was a brief pause on the other end, "you don't need to say anything right now, I get this is a lot, but just... don't hang up."

"Okay," Misha breathed, his fingers tightening around the phone.

"Okay."

After laying in silence for a while, Misha's eyelids began to grow heavy. Perhaps it was hearing Jensen's voice that made him sleepy. The comfort and relaxation it brought him was incredible.

He put the phone on speaker and placed it on the mattress beside him, rolling over so he could face it.

"Hey, Jensen," he muttered sleepily.

"Ya, Mish?"

A ghost of a smile curved his lips.

"Tell me about your day."

Even though he couldn't see him, Misha knew that Jensen was smiling, too.

"Well, it started out pretty rough. You see, the guy I'm totally crushing on was acting like I didn't exist."

Misha chuckled, burying his face into one of the pillows.

"How horrible of him."

"But it's better now," he breathed, voice laced with sincerity.

Instead of replying, Misha let his eyes close. He drifted into unconsciousness listening to Jensen go on about his day, unaware he'd fallen asleep smiling.

**

Jensen stopped talking when he realized that Misha was no longer awake, his soft snoring barely audible over the phone speakers. That caused the goofiest grin to spread across his face.

"Goodnight, Misha," he whispered.

He put the phone on speaker and set it down on the mattress beside him. Hearing Misha, if only a little, on the other end had made it feel like he was there next to him.

He eventually managed to fall asleep, feeling the best he had all week.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought I'd write more towards Misha's POV for this chapter because I wanted to kind of show you guys how he's feeling about all of this. I think we've heard enough of Jensen's angsty thoughts ;) 
> 
> I thought this chapter could use some fluff to balance out all of the angst anyways... I hope you guys liked it. Hopefully these two'll make up soon, right? I think we're getting close!


	7. Chapter 7

~~~~Misha couldn't wipe the smile off his face as he made breakfast. The night before had been amazing, despite the fact it had only been a ten minute phone call between himself and Jensen. He hadn't expected to feel so refreshed after talking to him, nor had he really wanted to, yet there he was the next morning acting like a middle schooler after receiving their first kiss. The sad part was, hardly anything had happened.

He groaned, attempting to shake himself out of the love induced trance. He really needed to make up with Jensen (and fast), his heart was beginning to take hold over the logical portion of his brain.

A knock came from his door and he made his way over to open it. It was odd, considering no one ever visited that early.

He nearly jumped out of his skin when he saw Jensen leaning against the wall in the hallway, twirling a set of keys around his index finger.

"Need a ride to work?" He asked, raising a brow.

Misha's eyes were wide with shock. He was the last person he'd expected to show up at his door before 9am on a Monday morning.

"I have a car, thanks," Misha replied, not wanting to seem too desperate.

"Well, you've gotta be on set in half an hour and by the looks of it, you aren't even close to being ready. I think a free ride would be pretty helpful."

Misha's cheeks heated with embarrassment when he realized that he was still in his boxers and a baggy ACDC t-shirt. His dark hair was sticking up in five different directions, and the sight made Jensen want to run his hands through it.

"Fuck!"

He ducked away from the door, realizing anyone in his apartment could easily walk by and see him like that. That caused a deep laugh to erupt from Jensen. He stepped inside, closing the door behind him.

"I think you look cute, maybe you should just go like that."

"Ya, sure. I'd be the laughing stock of the year."

Jensen grinned, taking a few small strides towards the kitchen. There were two pieces of toast laying on the counter and an egg on the stove.

"Go get changed, I'll finish this up for you," Jensen said, waving him off.

"You don't have to do that, I've got it." He attempted to pick up one of the pieces of toast, but Jensen grabbed it out of his hand, along with the butter knife.

"Seriously, go get ready, I've got nothin' else to do anyway."

Misha reluctantly let Jensen take over, knowing from experience that he wouldn't take no for an answer. He walked back to his room and pulled out a pink blouse and some dark jeans. As he began stripping down, he couldn't help but sneak a few glances out the small crack of his bedroom door at Jensen. It felt and looked so domestic. He was buttering the toast while waiting for the egg to cook while bobbing his head to the music he'd began playing from his phone. He was pretty sure it was _I don't wanna lose your love tonight._

Come to think of it, all of this was so weird. What couple breaks up and gets closer? Ever since he'd stormed out on Jensen, he'd been putting a lot more effort into it. He never used to come around on work days, especially not earlier than 9am (unless he'd stayed the night). Jensen had obviously loved him and cared about him, but he'd never been that clingy. Almost every minute, Jensen was either texting, calling, or coming over. They never even did anything besides flirt occasionally, but it was usually friendly banter. Maybe leaving Jensen made him realize how much he loved him. Whatever the reason, Misha had to admit that he loved the attention he was receiving. Jensen was trying so hard to win him back and his efforts weren't going unnoticed. He'd more than likely be taking him back soon enough, because he obviously loved Jensen too, but he was too busy enjoying his desperate attempts at getting him back. He'd enjoy this a little while longer and then forgive him. Jensen couldn't get off the leash that easily, he needed to work for it first. The real question was, how long could Misha last before he gave into his nagging temptations? Jensen was eye candy, that's for sure. It was hard to keep his hands off him.

He joined Jensen in the kitchen once he was fully dressed. The table had been set and there was a glass of orange juice beside his plate with the toast and eggs. He took a seat, smiling at the setup.

"Thanks, Jen. It means a lot that you're helping me out like this."

"You can thank me once I've fixed your hair. That's some serious bedhead, Mish." He placed a hand on top of his head, cringing when he felt all of the stuck up ends. "Where do you keep the hair gel?" Jensen asked, eyes scanning the quaint apartment.

"Bathroom, top shelf, in the closet," he mumbled through a mouth filled with toast.

Jensen disappeared for a few seconds then returned with the tube of hair gel. He squirted a bit of the blue substance onto his palm, then rubbed his hands together. He brushed his hands through Misha's hair, spiking it all up to an even height. Once it was all upright, he pushed it back down, deciding to leave it mostly flat except for the bangs which he brushed to the side. Misha leaned into the touch, closing his eyes. He loved when people played with his hair, especially Jensen, because his hands were big and could get a really great grip.

He tipped his head back to look up at Jensen. He smiled, their gazes locking.

"Can you just come over every day and be my personal servant?" Misha joked, smirking.

"Depends what I get in return."

Misha sat up and turned to face him.

"Well, what do you want?"

Jensen couldn't tear his gaze away. The way he was looking at him was hypnotizing. He slowly crouched down so that their faces were more or less at the same height. Misha's eyes were darting across his face, as if he were trying to get a read on what he was thinking. Without speaking, Jensen curled a hand around the back of Misha's neck, playing with the hair at the nape. Misha blinked a few times, then his gaze settled onto his lips. His breathing became shallow as Jensen inched closer; so close, he could feel his breath.

Misha pulled back when Jensen's lips brushed against his own.

"I-I'm sorry," he stammered, turning away. "I just need time."

Misha had wanted to kiss Jensen, more than anything. The only reason he didn't was because there was still a lingering sensation of hurt and heartbreak every time they got close. He needed more time to work past this. He'd really hurt him, and that wasn't about to go away on it's own. As the saying goes; time heals all wounds.

"No, I'm sorry... I shouldn't have done that. I know you're not ready to start trusting me again, it was a selfish move on my end."

Instead of conjuring up a response, Misha returned to eating the rest of his breakfast in the uncomfortable silence. A few minutes ticked by before Jensen spoke again.

"I should go, sorry for bothering you."

He turned for the door, but froze when he felt warm fingers curl around his wrist.

"Hey," Jensen glanced at him over his shoulder, "I still wanna take you up on that ride to work."

A smirk revealed Jensen's white teeth. "Alright, I'll be in the car. You've got five minutes to finish up in here, don't keep me waiting."

Misha watched as Jensen left his apartment, the door swinging shut behind him. He cleaned up his plates while wearing the goofiest grin. Jensen made him happy, and he truly hoped they could rekindle their relationship eventually.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to start making my chapters longer as the story will soon be coming to an end. I can't predict how many chapters that will take, but I want to spend more time on the important ones. I typically like to make my chapters shorter so I can post them sooner and not leave people hanging, but the breaks between chapters may become longer starting now. I hope you guys understand.
> 
> Thanks for continuing to keep up with the story, I hope everyone is enjoying it so far! :)


	8. Chapter 8

Watching Misha work was fascinating. One minute he'd be shoving broomsticks between people's legs, rilling them up, then the next, his face would drop into an emotionless expression. When he spoke, his normally high, scratchy voice came out gravelly and deep. It was interesting, Jensen would never know how he did it. He was familiar with getting into character, he worked on Supernatural, so he obviously knew how to do it, but the way Misha did it was different. There was just something about it. He couldn't tear his gaze away. He watched him walk across set, speaking low to one of the co-stars. He could tell when they started rehearsing lines just by Misha's change in demeanour.

Jared snapped his fingers several times in front of Jensen's face, pulling him out of the trance. He jumped a little, startled by the abrupt noise.

"Hello, earth to Jensen?"

He shook his head, returning his attention back to his friend.

"Ya, I'm listening."

_Total lie._

"Okay, what did I just ask you?" Jared scoffed, folding his arms across his chest and raising his brows.

"Um... that thing about the... the script."

"What about the script?"

Jensen threw his hands up in defeat, rolling his eyes.

"I don't know, man! Just tell me!"

Jared let out a small chuckle, feeling amused by Jensen's flustered state.

"Look, I get that you've been a little distracted by Misha lately, but we've still got a job to do, so try thinking a little more with this," Jared knocked a knuckle against his forehead, "and a little less with this," he pointed at his dick, smirking. Jensen rolled up his script and smacked the younger man on the forearm. He yelped and jumped back, rubbing at the now red patch of skin.

"Shut up," Jensen grumbled, sinking lower into his seat.

"Look, if you're this distracted by him, maybe you should just ask him out?" Jared suggested, trying his best not to overstep his boundaries. He knew Jensen hated when he medalled.

"We broke up, Jared. I can't just ask an ex out on a date, it doesn't work that way."

"Sure it does, if you want to get back together with him then you're gonna have to do something! You can't just sit here and wait for something to happen, you have to make a move. Think of it as starting over," Jared could tell that Jensen wasn't following, so he elaborated on what he'd said. "Do you remember how your first date with Misha was initiated?"

A light blush crept up his neck, followed by a tiny smile. He was getting super giddy thinking about their first date.

"Of course... when I first realized that I had feelings for Misha, I was in denial. It was hard at first, but I eventually got the guts to ask him if he wanted to go get dinner after work sometime. It was one of the best nights of my life. We ended up getting a little tipsy and neither one of us could drive home. We didn't wanna take a cab right away, so we walked for a while. On the way home, we saw this open field. It was the perfect time and place to do some stargazing--"

"Wait a minute... you and Misha _stargazed?"_

Jensen shot him a glare, "shut up and listen."

He suppressed a laugh, clearing his throat and bringing his attention back to the story.

"As I was saying, we sat down in the grass and started pointing out the constellations we knew. I obviously didn't know as many as Misha did, so I just made 'em up as I went. He picked up on that pretty quickly and started making 'em up, too. Eventually we were just laying on our backs dying of laughter over god knows what. That's when something kinda clicked in my head. Everything felt so... right? I knew that's where I belonged. Without thinking, I pulled him in and kissed him like I've never kissed before. He kissed me back and neither one of us wanted to let go. It was amazing... I'll never forget that night. I actually think we ended up passing out right there in that field and had to find our way back to the restaurant to get my car in the morning."

Jensen's face lit up as he talked about his first date with Misha. Jared had never seen his best friend so genuinely happy. At first he thought the story had been extremely cheesy, but it made Jensen happier than he'd been in years. Misha made him happy. He couldn't bare to see that go away.

Jensen used to spend his days alone, not bothering to talk to anyone on set outside of shooting. He constantly complained about being lonely and depressed, yet he'd never do anything to fix it. He'd isolate himself in his home. Jared had tried to get him out of the house multiple times, but he would never budge. He never used to be that way, though. The behaviour started when Jared married Gen. It made Jensen realize that he was in his late 30's and still hadn't settled down, yet his younger co-star was already happily married. He just never found the right person. He got flirted with by tons of pretty girls almost constantly, but all they'd ever been were one night stands. He wanted something that could last, and he never found it. At least, not until he met Misha. It didn't exactly last, but for a little while, Jensen was so sure that it would. He'd been truly happy for once.

Ever since Jensen and Misha started dating, Jared finally started to see the old Jensen again.

"Jensen," Jared's voice came out soft and hesitant. When Jensen looked over at him, he could have sworn he saw moisture glistening in his hazel eyes. "You can't let what happened get between you two, promise me that. Promise me you'll at least try to fix what happened."

The smile on Jensen's face faded when he realized that Jared was being completely serious. He was truly concerned about the situation.

"I've been trying, Jared. I don't think you get how badly I messed up, Misha doesn't want anything to do with me romantically. It's over, and it's my fault."

"Okay, if he doesn't want to do anything romantic, then how about dinner as friends?"

"As friends?" Jensen asked, narrowing his eyes.

"Ya, as friends," Jared confirmed, "there's nothing wrong with that, right?"

Jensen shrugged, "I suppose not."

"So, what are you waiting for? Go do it!"

Jared grabbed him by the arm and hauled him to his feet. It didn't take much strength because Jared was a human skyscraper who didn't know his own strength.

"Right now?!"

"Yes, go!"

Jensen reluctantly walked over to where Misha was standing. He was reading over his lines for his scene coming up, probably making sure they were memorized. He smiled when he saw Jensen coming his way.

"Hey, Jen! What's up?"

"Hey, um... I just wanted to know if you were free after work tonight?"

A smile curved Misha's lips, followed by a hot blush heating his ears.

"I'm free... what did you have in mind?" He could tell that Misha was fighting back one hell of a grin, because he was doing that thing Jensen found absolutely adorable where he sucked in his bottom lip, bitting on it to stop it from quirking upwards.

"I thought we could go get something to eat, maybe have a few drinks? I-I mean, if you want too."

Jensen hadn't been this flustered since he first asked him out. It felt weird doing it again, it was kind of like they were starting their relationship over again. He hated that he had to re-build it all the way back to what it used to be, but it could be fun, reliving their first date. It might even be better the second time around, considering he knew what, and what not to do.

Misha ducked his head, no longer able to keep the smile from breaking out across his face.

"Jensen Ross Ackles, are you asking me out?"

The only thing re-playing through his mind was what Jared had told him, "dinner as friends." Even though every part of him wanted to deny that it was a date, he couldn't get the words out. They both knew perfectly well what this was, there was no denying that.

"Ya... I guess I am."

Misha extinguished his goofy grin, putting on a fake act of sternness.

"Okay, but you'd better not disappoint me, Ackles," Misha teased.

Jensen hadn't expected Misha to say yes in the slightest. His response definitely surprised him.

"I'll try my best," he began backing up in the direction he'd came, "I have to get back to Jared, but I'll see you tonight around seven?"

A ghost of a smile curved his lips and he nodded. "Ya, I'll see you then."

Jensen had a hard time focusing on work that day, because he knew that Misha was waiting for him. He still couldn't believe he agreed to go out with him. Maybe Misha did still have feelings for him after all? At this point, only time could tell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait, I've been caught up with a collab Destiel fic I've been working on recently!


	9. Chapter 9

Jensen knocked on Misha's door at precisely seven, as he'd promised. He was determined to make this date as perfect as possible, considering Misha was nice enough to give him a second chance in the first place.

Misha opened the door, a smile breaking out across his face upon seeing Jensen. His gaze travelled down to his hands where a bouquet of flowers was being held. It was an assortment of different coloured roses.

"Are those for me?" Misha questioned, trying his best not to blush.

Jensen smiled as a response, holding them out for him to take. Misha gladly took them, bringing them towards his face so he could smell them. He hummed in content, taking a step back into the apartment.

"I'm just gonna put these in a vase really quickly, do you want to come in?"

Jensen nodded, stepping into the apartment. He watched as Misha filled up a tall, glass vase with water, setting it on the marble countertop. He glanced at Jensen over his shoulder, "they're really beautiful, Jen. I love them," he gushed.

"I'm glad," Jensen beamed, padding across the room to where Misha was standing. He rested his chin on his shoulder, watching him fill the vase up with roses. Misha giggled, turning his head so he could look at the younger man.

"I can't remember the last time you bought me flowers," Misha muttered, placing the final rose into the vase and watching it float in the water.

"I can get you some every day, if that's what you want. Each morning I'll leave them outside your door until your bedroom is filled to the top with them."

Misha leaned back into Jensen's arms, hysterically giggling.

"Okay, I don't think I need that many!"

Misha's laugh was one of Jensen's favourite sounds. He could listen to it all day and never get tired of hearing it.

"Are you ready to go?" Jensen asked, brushing his lips over Misha's ear.

Misha spun around so that his chest was pressed up against Jensen's. He smiled up at him, nodding. "Let's go!"

He took hold of Jensen's hand, leading him out of his apartment, stopping briefly to lock the door behind him. They took the elevator down to the lobby and got into Jensen's car which was parked out front.

Jensen slid behind the steering wheel, watching as Misha got in beside him. He inserted the key into the ignition, smiling as the engine began to purr. The radio came to life, blasting a country song. Misha scrunched his nose at the choice of music, eyeing Jensen suggestively.

"What, you don't like country?"

Misha slowly shook his head, "can I change it?"

Jensen sighed, motioning for him to do it before he changed his mind. Despite not actually being Dean in real life, he did like his rule of 'driver picks the music'.

Misha surfed through the stations, stopping when he heard the song "Breezeblocks" by Alt-J. Jensen knew Misha was fond of this song, but frankly, he found it pretty weird. He shrugged it off, deciding it was best to do what Misha wanted tonight. This was about winning him back, after all.

The drive to the restaurant was filled with banter. They talked about mishaps on set that day, how their week had been, and what they'd been up to while at home. The two men never typically talked about these sorts of things since they were with each other 24/7, but since they hadn't really seen a lot of each other outside of work lately, there was a lot to talk about. Jensen even found Misha's story about seeing a turtle on the side of the road interesting. The restaurant was around a twenty minute drive from Misha's apartment, but had only felt like five. Spending time with Misha was just so enjoyable, it always made time speed by. He almost didn't want to get out of the car, it had been such an enjoyable experience, getting caught up on Misha's life and what he'd missed.

Misha went to get out of the car, but Jensen stopped him by pressing a hand to his chest. "Hold on," he muttered, quickly getting out and rushing to his side, opening up the door for him. Misha raised his brows, stepping out of the car.

"Ah, a real gentleman," Misha mused, softly chuckling.

Jensen nodded in response, closing the door behind him. They made their way into the restaurant and Misha took a good look around. It wasn't fancy, but it wasn't super casual either. It was a perfect mix. A female hostess got them to their seats, it was a booth in the far back right next to a window. It was the quietest spot in the restaurant. Once they were seated on opposite sides of the booth and had menus, Misha peered up at him. "You really thought of everything, didn't you?" He asked, raising a brow suggestively.

Jensen shrugged, ducking his head to hide the blush creeping up his neck. "Sort of," he flushed.

Misha smiled, returning his attention back to the menu. "What should I get, there's too many options."

Jensen leaned across the table, pointing at the hamburger and steak section. "The bacon cheeseburgers are to die for, and the steak is amazing if you like it."

Misha couldn't help but laugh a little. Jensen really reminded him of Dean sometimes, even though he hated to admit it. When the waitress came by to ask for drink orders, Jensen ordered a beer and Misha decided to get a strawberry daiquiri. The waitress smiled as she jotted down their order, disappearing into the kitchen.

Jensen barked a laugh, slapping a hand over his mouth to try and suppress it.

Misha narrowed his eyes in confusion, "what?"

"Strawberry daiquiri, really?"

"What do you have against daiquiris?!"

"Nothing, other than the fact that it's a girl drink," Jensen teased.

Misha folded his arms across his chest, huffing.

"You're an asshole," he grumbled.

"You love me, though," Jensen sniggered.

"Don't make me regret giving you a second chance, tough guy."

Jensen reached across the table to grab Misha's hand, fiddling with his fingers.

"I'm just teasing you," Jensen assured, softly smiling.

Misha spread his hand out a little so Jensen's fingers could interlace with his own.

"I've known you for six years, you'd think I know how you flirt by now."

Before Jensen could respond, the waitress was standing in front of their table with their beverages. "A beer for you, and a strawberry daiquiri for you," she said cheerfully, placing the drinks in front of them. She was overly cheerful, which Jensen didn't know was actually possible. "What can I get for you boys tonight?" She asked, pulling out a notepad.

"I'll take the bacon cheeseburger," Jensen said, folding up the menu and handing it to her.

"I'll get what he's having," Misha added.

"I'll be back with those shortly!"

"Thanks, sweetheart," Jensen said, shooting her a wink. She smiled and returned the wink before skipping off once more. When Jensen returned his attention back to Misha, he was glaring at him. "What?!"

"Do you flirt with all of your waitress'?" Misha questioned in a warning tone.

"Mish, I wasn't flirting with her! The nicer you are, the bigger the discount!"

He let out an over exaggerated sigh, smacking a hand to his forehead.

"Sometimes I ask myself why I put up with you," Misha mocked, smirking a little.

"Because you love me, just admit it!"

Misha pulled his hand away from his face, his gaze falling on the green eyed man sitting across from him. For a second, it went silent. They just stared at each other, neither one of them wanting to speak. Misha knew very well that he loved Jensen, but he was nowhere near ready to admit to it yet.

As if on cue, the waitress returned with their burgers, that same smile plastered on her face. Misha didn't like her very much — _no,_ not because he was jealous.

She set their burgers down in front of them, taking a little extra time when setting Jensen's down. She was getting a little too up close and personal for his liking. Misha glared at her. He was starting to feel overly attached, Jensen was so laid back and here he was getting uptight about everything.

"Excuse me, I think I'll actually get a few shots, please."

Jensen's eyes widened at Misha's words, a grin quirking his lips. The waitress took a step back from Jensen, turning towards Misha.

"Sure thing, shots comin' right up!"

Jensen waited until she left before leaning against the table, eyeing Misha suggestively. Misha averted his gaze, picking up his burger and sinking his teeth into it, hoping Jensen would just drop the situation. Thankfully, he kept quiet, instead deciding to take a bite of his own burger.

"I swear, this place has the best burgers," Jensen mumbled over a mouth filled with meat and cheese. Misha giggled, reaching across the table to place his fingers under his chin, pushing it up to close his mouth.

"We're in public, don't be gross."

Jensen was aware he sometimes spoke with his mouth full, Jared constantly nagged him about it. He swallowed, opening his mouth so Misha could see. He smiled, removing his hand, "good."

The shots arrived at their table only moments later. Misha took four, and Jensen surprisingly decided against having any at all. He stuck with a beer, nothing more, nothing less. It was probably best to drive Misha home at the end of the night, anyways. Jensen was already able to tell that he'd be hammered within minutes.

After they'd finished their meals, Jensen payed for the bill, noticing the obvious discount. He didn't bother mentioning it to Misha, no matter how badly he wanted to say, "I told you so." Misha followed Jensen out to his car, nearly falling on his face several times. Jensen ended up slinging an arm around his shoulder for support. He helped Misha into his seat before getting himself in. Once they were both comfortable in the car, Misha began to giggle, throwing his head back. Jensen turned to face him, looking at him questioningly.

"What's so funny?" He asked, stifling giggles of his own. The fact that Misha was laughing at pretty much nothing right now was extremely amusing.

Misha shrugged, inching closer so he could let his head fall into the crook of Jensen's neck. He hummed, releasing a puff of warm air against his skin. Jensen shivered, involuntarily moving closer.

"I dunno, you just make me happy," Misha stated fondly, slurring slightly.

Jensen blushed as he started the car, pulling out of the parking lot.

"Is that you, or the alcohol talking?"

Misha narrowed his eyes, "alcohol can't speak, Jen. Why would you imply such a thing?"

Jensen barked a laugh, playfully nudging his side. "Don't be a smart ass."

Misha's eyes fluttered shut, his hand slowly sliding up his leg. Jensen's eyes flickered down to his touch, his hand tightening around the steering wheel when Misha gently squeezed his inner thigh. He nearly swerved off the road a few times, Misha's hand travelling to places it should only go behind closed doors.

"M-Misha," Jensen breathed, thickly swallowing.

He glanced up at him through dark, lowered lashes. "Hm?"

"You're gonna make me crash."

Misha chuckled, taking his hand away. Jensen's body relaxed a little and he brought his attention back to the road. The rest of the drive was quiet, all accept for Misha's occasional commentary. They never made much sense, as he was pretty much too drunk to function, but Jensen smiled nonetheless. He found it to be quite cute.

Jensen was a little sad when he pulled up at Misha's apartment. He didn't really want to say goodbye just yet.

"Do you mind if I walk you to your door?" Jensen asked as he helped him out of the car.

Misha smiled as he responded with, "I'd like that."

They took the elevator up to Misha's floor and walked down the hall to his door. Misha fumbled with his keys for a moment, struggling to insert it into the lock. He missed several times, and Jensen was tempted to just do it himself, but Misha eventually got it in and unlocked it. Jensen watched as Misha walked into his apartment, taking off his jacket and throwing it on the couch. He followed him inside, not planning on staying, he just wanted to make sure he made it in okay.

"I'm gonna take off if everything's okay here," Jensen said, offering a warm smile his way.

Misha turned to face him and he almost looked sad. "Ya, everything's fine," he muttered, rubbing the back of his neck.

Jensen walked over to him, taking his hands and holding them. Despite all of the fun they'd had that night, there was something Jensen desperately wanted to say. He wanted to be serious for a minute.

"Hey, I just wanted to thank you for giving me another chance. I know what I did was really awful, and I think about it all the time, wishing I could go back and fix it, but I can't." He brought a hand up to the back of his neck, playing with the short hairs there. "I had a lot of fun tonight, just know that I really am sorry for everything." He leaned in to press a kiss to his cheek, grinning when he heard Misha's breath hitch. "Get some rest," he whispered, turning for the door.

Misha watched as Jensen walked away. He whimpered at the loss of contact, all he really wanted right now was to spend the night with him. He just wanted to cuddle and talk until he fell asleep like they used to. Maybe that's what urged him to do what he did.

"Jensen, wait," he called out, almost involuntarily.

The younger man froze in his tracks, spinning around just in time to see Misha walking back towards him. He didn't hesitate when he grabbed Jensen by the jaw, pulling him down for a kiss. Jensen's eyes widened and he moaned into Misha's mouth, his eyes fluttering shut as Misha backed him up until he was pressed up against the wall. He released his grip on Jensen's jaw to frame his face with his hands, slowly sliding them up until they were tangled in his hair. It all happened so fast, Jensen hardly had time to process it.

Misha's tongue traced his bottom lip, asking for entrance. It swiftly slipped inside his mouth and Jensen could taste the lingering flavour of whiskey. Jensen continued to kiss Misha until he was forced to pull away, in desperate need of oxygen. While Jensen attempted to catch his breath, Misha brushed his lips against the shell of his ear, whispering, "don't go."

Jensen agreed (probably too eagerly), slipping his hands under the hem of Misha's shirt, allowing his hands to explore the older man's body. Misha gripped his jacket, pulling him back towards the couch. He spun Jensen around, throwing him down onto the cushions and crawling overtop of him, straddling his waist. Jensen's yelp was suppressed by Misha's lips crashing back down onto his own in a needy frenzy. Jensen tugged at Misha's shirt, slipping it over his head and tossing it aside. He took a minute to admire Misha's tanned skin and muscular arms. Fuck, he was gorgeous.

Misha did the same to his jacket and t-shirt, revealing shoulders and a chest peppered with freckles. He dipped his head down, pressing kisses across his collar bone, sucking on a patch of skin until it turned red. Jensen ran his fingers through Misha's hair as he made his way down, licking a wet line towards his hips. Jensen watched as Misha slipped a hand under the waistband of his pants, his breath hitching as his fingers danced over his dick. Misha glanced up at Jensen through lowered lashes, as if asking for reassurance before proceeding. Jensen wanted nothing more than for Misha to do whatever it was he had in mind, but there was a cloud of doubt fogging up his mind. No matter how badly he wanted this, at the end of the day, he knew it was wrong. He was more or less sober, where as Misha was completely wasted. Judging from experience, it was never a good idea to have sex when one of the people involved was drunk (unless you were an official couple). The morning after always ended with someone regretting it, and Jensen didn't want that to happen.

He sighed, slowly shaking his head. That was one of the hardest things he'd had to do, considering Misha's hand was literally inches away from his dick.

"I can't, Mish," he croaked, squeezing his eyes shut.

Misha frowned, a look of confusion overtaking his features. "Did I do something wrong?" He whimpered, removing his hand from Jensen's pants.

Jensen violently shook his head, patting the spot beside him on the couch. Misha crawled up next to him, laying his head on his chest.

"You didn't do anything wrong, Misha. I just don't want you to... regret anything later. I want to know that this is what you really want." Misha nodded, though he wasn't completely sure he understood what he meant. Jensen pressed a kiss to the centre of his forehead, skating his fingertips along his back in a soothing motion. Misha melted into the touch, his eyelids drooping.

"Thank you for taking me out tonight," Misha muttered sleepily, stifling a yawn.

Jensen smiled, grabbing a wool blanket off the floor and draping it over himself and Misha. "It was my pleasure."

Misha let his eyes close, listening to the steady rhythm of Jensen's heartbeat as he drifted to sleep.


	10. Chapter 10

Misha's morning started out by waking to a pounding headache, dry mouth, and nausea. He squinted at the bright light seeping out through the bedroom window, groaning, and burying his face into his pillow. He hadn't been this hungover in years. Misha wasn't much of a drinker, he'd drink a little when at parties, but other than that, he never really craved alcohol like others seemed to.

Blurred memories from the night before became clearer; going out to dinner, getting driven home, the kiss — shit. He remembered kissing Jensen, touching him in ways he wasn't sure he liked, then Jensen had told him to stop. A surge of guilt hit him, followed by embarrassment. Why did he have to go and do something like that? Jensen probably ran off the second he fell asleep last night. He cracked an eye open, peering around his room. Sure enough, the spot beside him in bed was empty. He couldn't hide the fact that he was a little disappointed. Part of him was really hoping Jensen had decided to stay, it would have been nice to wake up next to him. Waking up alone every morning wasn't as easy as he remembered.

The longer he laid there, the more questions conjured up in his mind. The biggest one being; how did he get to bed? He was certain he'd fallen asleep on the couch next to Jensen, but he could be wrong. His memory was extremely foggy after the kiss. Maybe Jensen carried him? Ugh, his head hurt too much to be thinking so hard about this. He needed to quit dissecting every aspect of the previous night and get out of bed.

He reluctantly rolled out of bed, padding into the kitchen to make himself some breakfast even though his stomach churned at the thought of food. The first thing he spotted upon walking into the kitchen was a bottle of pain killers and a glass of ice water sitting on the table. Beside it was a folded up piece of paper, "to Misha" scribbled messily on the front. He smiled as he unfolded it, reading the message written in it.

_I just got called into work, sorry for leaving so early :( Trust me, if it were up to me, I would have stuck around for the rest of the morning. Getting out of bed at 5am isn't fun._

_Anyways, call me if you need anything <3_

_p.s do yourself a favour and eat some yogurt and a banana, it'll help with the hangover._

_-Jensen_

Misha's heart swelled with affection after reading Jensen's words, he was so sweet and caring. He placed the letter back onto the table and picked up the bottle of pain killers, popping the lid off. A white, oval shaped pill rolled out onto his palm. He placed it on the tip of his tongue and took a large gulp of water, closing his eyes as the pill descended into his stomach. For breakfast, he decided to take Jensen's advice and have some yogurt and a banana. He brought it over to the living room, plopping down on the couch. Grabbing the remote off the armrest, he flicked the tv on, surfing through the channels until he found something that interested him. He kicked his feet up on the coffee table, shoving a spoonful of vanilla yogurt into his mouth.

Misha had a hard time focusing on the show he was watching, because all he could think about was Jensen and how much he wished he were here. The time he'd spent with the younger man the night before was amazing, he wished he could remember the last half of it a little clearer.

He thought about calling Jensen and inviting him over after work, but that could seem a little clingy. He'd just seen him, and now he was already craving his presence. His eyes flickered down to the rectangular shape in his pocket, the temptation to call him becoming slightly intolerable. If he didn't invite him over tonight, they may not see each other for days, maybe even weeks. It was hard to tell with filming schedules.

Finally mustering up the courage, Misha pulled his phone out, unlocking it and dialling Jensen's number. His thumb hovered over the call button for a moment, and he came close to shutting it off again, but something urged him to press down on it. It only rang a total of two times before Jensen picked up.

"Misha, is everything okay?"

Misha's brows knitted close together in thought. "Do I have to be dying to call you?"

Jensen barked a laugh, "no, I just thought it was weird for someone with a hangover to be up this early and not be dying."

Misha pulled the phone away from his ear to look at the time; 7:19am. His eyes widened, he hadn't realized it was so early. Thinking about last night got his adrenaline pumping and made it feel a lot later.

"Oh my god, it's seven," Misha stated.

"Ya, it's seven," Jensen chuckled. "You sure you're alright?"

Misha nodded, even though he knew Jensen couldn't see him. "Ya, I'm fine."

There was a brief pause in the conversation, Misha trying to decide whether or not he really wanted to invite him over again. After pondering for a moment, he came to a decision.

"I missed you this morning," he muttered, scratching the back of his neck.

"I really wish I could have stayed, Mish."

"Ya, I know... you could always try to make it up to me?" Misha bit down on the inside of his cheek as he waited for Jensen to respond.

"And how can I do that?" Jensen asked, playing along.

"You could come over after work... I've got a few movies I've been wanting to watch if you wanted to join me?"

Those few beats of silence were the most stressful Misha had ever sat through. Did he come off as too clingy, or did Jensen genuinely enjoy spending time with him?

"I'd love that, actually," Jensen replied, voice soft.

Misha let out a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding. "Awesome, does eight work?"

"That's perfect, I'll see you then," Jensen said, voice laced with sincerity.

Misha smiled as he hung up. He couldn't wait to see Jensen again (without alcohol going through his system). He'd actually like to remember it this time.

***

The day had gone by excruciatingly slow. Misha hated days off, he had nothing to do. He lived alone, so he spent most of his time watching tv and tweeting. Considering he's famous, that's pretty lame. There was so much he could be doing, but never had motivation to leave the apartment (unless Jensen had plans for him, of course). He actually enjoyed working, it was more entertaining than what he normally did and actually gave him a sense of purpose.

Misha instantly perked up when he heard Jensen knocking at the door. He merrily walked over to open it up. Jensen was still in his Dean wardrobe, having been too lazy to change after shooting. Truth be told, he was pretty exhausted. He had to wake up at 5am, work until 7pm, and drive all the way to Misha's apartment. He almost cancelled, but couldn't bring himself to do it. Despite being this tired, he did really want to see Misha, and he knew Misha wanted to see him, too.

He must have looked as tired as he felt, because Misha looked taken aback for a split second.

"You look terrible," Misha muttered, eyes scanning his features. He had dark circles encompassing his eyes which were merely slits, and bags underneath them.

"Jee, thanks," Jensen said sarcastically, rolling his eyes.

Misha's gaze fell to the floor, his confidence fading. "You don't have to stay, you know. I understand if you'd rather—" he was cut off by Jensen's arms wrapping around his waist. He gasped quietly, his eyes flickering back up to lock with Jensen's peridot green ones.

"I want to be here with you, Mish. Trust me, I wouldn't have came if I didn't."

Misha relaxed at the reassuring words, letting his body melt into Jensen's. Sliding his hands up his back, Misha buried his face into the taller man's shoulder. Being held felt so good, even though he wasn't in an emotional state of needing comfort, it was always nice. Being in Jensen's arms again reminded him of all the times spent there. Whether it be because of a rough day, or simply being shown affection. Jensen had always been there to hold him whenever he needed it, for whatever the reason.

"Thanks for coming," Misha mumbled into the fabric of Jensen's shirt, softly smiling.

Jensen pulled back far enough to look into Misha's eyes, brushing the dark hair from his face. "Thanks for having me." He dipped his head down, pressing a kiss to Misha's forehead. Misha froze, taken by surprise. He wasn't expecting Jensen to kiss him, seeing as how they ended things the night before.

"So, what movie are we watching?" Jensen questioned, releasing him.

Misha guided Jensen into the living room where he took a seat on the couch, watching as he rummaged through a box of DVD's. After a while of searching, Misha finally found what he was looking for. He pulled out a pink case, holding it up for Jensen to see. "Love Actually" was written in white letters on the front. Jensen stared at it for a moment, confused as to why Misha wanted to watch it.

"Isn't that a cheesy romantic comedy made like seven years ago?"

Misha nodded, "everyone else has seen it, I feel left out. It can't be that bad!"

Jensen couldn't help but laugh a little. He really didn't care what they watched, he was too tired to stay awake for the whole movie anyways, so it didn't really matter what he picked. He patted the spot beside him as a response. Misha inserted the disk into the DVD player, then joined Jensen on the couch.

About ten minutes into the movie, Jensen started inching closer. There was quite a bit of space between them, and Misha wasn't liking it all that much either. Jensen wasn't sure if Misha wanted him to get too close, so he was torn between staying where he was and putting his arm around him. It was hard to get a read on what Misha wanted sometimes.

Misha felt Jensen hovering, which made him wonder if there was something wrong. He turned his head to look at him. The side of his lips twitched up into a tiny smile as he gave him a microscopic nod. Jensen slowly curled his arm around Misha, closing the small amount of space between them. Butterflies soared in the pit of his stomach as he pulled Misha against him.

At one point, Jensen noticed that Misha was paying more attention to him than he was the movie. He turned to look at him, smirking a little. Misha blushed when Jensen noticed him staring, and he quickly averted his gaze. It was hard not to stare when someone so beautiful was right next to him. It had been so long since Jensen had come over for as little as the reason of watching a movie. Misha had missed moments like these.

Jensen cupped Misha's face, gently turning it back towards him. Their eyes locked and it felt as though the world around them disappeared entirely. Misha's gaze travelled down until it was fixed on Jensen's lips. Jensen licked them in anticipation. He had no idea what Misha was thinking, but he desperately hoped his thoughts and desires were similar to his own.

Misha slowly leaned forward, coming so close to Jensen that he could feel his breath. They'd already kissed the night before — he knew that much. It didn't make this any easier, though. The alcohol had really helped calm his nerves, now he was totally sober, feeling all of the emotions that should accompany something like this. Should he even be considering letting Jensen back into his life? He did apologize, after all. It wasn't like Jensen wasn't sorry, because he knew that he was.

He squeezed his eyes shut — maybe not looking would make the situation easier. Why was he having such a hard time with this? It wasn't like Jensen did something unthinkable!

"This is fucking ridiculous," Misha muttered under his breath, not realizing he'd said it aloud.

"Misha," Jensen started, running his fingers through his hair. "What's wrong?"

Misha's eyes fluttered open again. Jensen was so close, and hell, he wanted him so bad. He wanted to taste his lips, tug at his hair, rip his clothes off- but he couldn't. Something was holding him back — it was the same thing that had been haunting him all week and he couldn't get rid of it, no matter what he did- it was always there.

"I don't know," Misha whimpered, pressing his forehead against Jensen's. "I-I don't understand... I know I love you — I know I want you- but I can't. That's the thing! _I can't!_ My heart wants you, but my head keeps saying no, and god do I want it to stop."

Jensen knew he'd hurt Misha and he'd tried everything to make it up to him. He didn't understand why Misha was still this upset with him, or what he wanted him to do. What else was there to say except that he was sorry?

"What can I do? Misha, what do you want me to say? I don't want to fight anymore, I can't take being away from you, so please... tell me what to do."

Misha pulled back, holding his hands in his lap and squeezing them until they turned white. He took a deep breath, trying to channel what he was feeling.

"Why would you think I'd do something like that to you?" Misha whimpered, voice barely a whisper. "I just don't understand, I thought you trusted me. I mean, you didn't even come to me about it... instead, you humiliated me in front of the fans and pushed me away as if I were just some piece of garbage! I tried so hard to be understanding and figure out what was wrong, and the problem wasn't even a problem at all! I thought you cared about me, but you proved all you care about is yourself. I keep trying to get past this, but I can't, and it's tearing me apart!" Misha cried, tears pooling in his eyes. Jensen sat there, completely astonished. He had no idea what he did had affected Misha so badly. He'd been holding it in for so long, and now it was all coming out, unfiltered.

"I just don't understand why you'd do that to me!" The tears spilled out onto his cheeks and he immediately buried his face into his hands, hunching over as racking sobs shook his body.

Jensen felt like someone had just stolen his voice. He had no idea what to say — as if anything he said would make it better. He picked up the remote for the tv, pausing the movie. If he was going to do this, he didn't want any distractions.

He hesitantly wrapped his arms around Misha, holding him against his chest. Honestly, he didn't believe he had the right to be touching him right now, but he just felt so fucking guilty. Letting him sit there and cry would be cruel, he needed to be comforted.

"Misha, listen to me for a second. I need you to understand something."

Misha looked up at him through thick, wet lashes, indicating that he was listening. Warm tears continued to roll down his cheeks, but he'd managed to stifle his sobs enough so that he could pay better attention to Jensen.

"I love you, Misha. I do care about you — more than anyone, actually. I think that's the reason why I did what I did. When I saw you kissing Rob, so many emotions went through me, it's indescribable. The most prominent one was jealousy, and maybe hurt. I don't know why I believed you'd do such a thing, because trust me, I know you would never do something like that. I was just so overtaken by jealousy, I lost sight in what was important; trust. A part of me thought I was losing the best thing that has ever happened to me, and I couldn't bare the thought. I took it out on you in ways I shouldn't have, and I hate myself more and more each day for it. I was so damn awful, Mish. I should have at least checked the date of the video, but I didn't... and I can't change that, no matter how badly I want too. I know I don't deserve someone like you, but I can't help but want you. I mean, who wouldn't? Just know that I am so, so sorry... I don't know what else I can say to express it. If you can't forgive me, I get it. I understand. I just want you to be happy, and if you can't have that with me... that's okay. It's gonna hurt like hell, but I can't go on knowing I'm hurting you just by being around — I couldn't live with myself."

Jensen held his breath as he waited for Misha to say something — anything. But, he didn't. He didn't speak, didn't even blink- just stared at him with wide eyes. It felt like forever, the silence was deafening. After several minutes ticked by, Misha finally spoke.

"You're such a fuck up," he breathed. Jensen felt his heart shatter at the words. Misha wanted nothing to do with him- it was over.

His gaze fell to the floor, tears welling in his eyes. Misha cupped his face, tilting it back up.

"But I still love you," he finished, forcing a breathy laugh.

Before Jensen even got the chance to process the spoken words, Misha was pulling him in to press a kiss to his lips. Jensen's eyes fluttered shut and he leaned into the touch. His heart lit up like the fourth of July, he was so happy — Misha made him so happy.

The kiss started out chaste, but quickly deepened, lips parting and colliding in hot, wet movements. They continued to kiss until they were forced to pull apart from a lack of oxygen.

Jensen smiled against Misha's lip, panting slightly. "You scared me for a second," he breathed.

Misha giggled, peppering kisses across his face. "For what it's worth, I'm sorry, too."

Jensen's brows furrowed in confusion. "You're sorry? For what?"

"I should have just talked to you about how I was feeling, instead I let it build up until I couldn't take it anymore. I guess in a sense, I'm not all that different from you."

Jensen pulled Misha back in for another kiss — god had he missed kissing him. He could have responded, but this action spoke so much louder than words ever could.

They eventually decided to put the movie back on, seeing as Jensen was becoming too tired to keep his eyes open. Misha didn't want to force him to stay up, since he was nice enough to come over in the first place. Although, neither one of them payed much attention to the movie. Misha combed his hands through Jensen's hair as he stared lovingly up at him from where he was laying, head pillowed by Misha's lap.

He'd muttered a sleepy, "I love you," before drifting into unconsciousness.

A smile curved Misha's lips as he whispered, "I love you, too." He was aware Jensen hadn't heard him, but he felt somewhat obligated to say it. He bent down to press a soft kiss to his lover's cheek, his heart swelling with affection as his lips made contact.

The end credits rolled down the screen and the music slowly began to fade out until it was completely gone. The silence filled with Jensen's snoring, a sound Misha used to hate. Every night he'd nudge Jensen and tell him to roll over; the sound kept him awake. But now, it only seemed to be comforting in a way.

Words would never be able to express how relieved he was now that he and Jensen had made up. The weight had been lifted from his shoulders; they could finally go back to how things were before this whole mess started. And Misha couldn't be happier.

It was finally over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (don't read the notes before you read the chapter because spoilers!!)
> 
> Yay! They finally made up, it's about time ;)
> 
> Part of me wants to end the fic right here, because the ending of this chapter is right where I want it to be in terms of closure, but I think there's still a few things I could do with this fic! I could always write an Epilogue and end it there... not sure what I'm going to do yet, but we'll see!


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